Dog Dictionary

Ok, so if you read the articles on here, you know that sometimes my cats leave me letters on my computer or iPad telling me to shape up or to stop petting that dog down the block. Sometimes they have told me secrets about the lives of cats. Mostly it is just them complaining that they don’t like their senior prescription cat food or the fact that I sometimes try to brush their teeth. Well, luckily I’ve been spending some time with a corgi in my apt complex and have had some interesting conversations with him.

The other night I asked him what dogs think about baths, commands, and other things. I took notes and here’s what I walked away with, a small dictionary of terms.

A Dog’s Dictionary

Bath: A punishment for rolling in the grass. It starts off with warm water which isn’t that bad and the shampoo part is nice too but the rinsing it awful. To survive, dogs must shake and shake and shake to ensure that the rinsing process also rinses the ceiling, walls, floor, and human.

Bicycles: Two-wheeled exercise machines for humans. To get maximum aerobic benefit, dogs must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes. The dogs walk back home happy.

Bump: The best way to get your human’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea. Typically use the top of our heads and bump the arm, wrist, or hand. Use the sad puppy dog eyes with a wagging tail to avoid being yelled at.

Deafness: This is a selective malady which affects dogs when their human wants them to do something and the dog would rather do something else. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

Dog Bed: Any soft, clean surface. Examples include: the white bedspread in the guest room, the couch, pulling the coat on the floor and laying on it. It’s rarely the assigned dog pillow on the floor.

Drool: Is what you do when the human has food and the dog doesn’t. To do this properly, dogs must sit as close as possible to the human and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. Practice the sad puppy eyes.

Garbage Can: A container which neighbors put out once a week to test canine ingenuity. Dogs must stand on their hind legs and try to push the lid off with their nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with random scraps of food.

Goosing: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the Bump (see above) doesn’t get the attention you require. Your person will usually jump and drop whatever it is they are holding. Very effective at BBQs or a human party. Dogs must walk up behind the human and nudge them with their nose, then step back with a wagging tail and maintain eye contact.

Leash: A strap which attaches to the collar, enabling the dog to lead his/her human around the neighborhood.

Love: Is intense affection, given freely and without restriction. Show love by wagging the tail and looking into the human’s eyes. Love is often returned with head pats and a hug. If the human kisses the dog, the dog is obliged to kiss back.

Wastebasket: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When bored, knock it over and push the papers all over the house.

And there’s your short dictionary of dog terms.

Image from Comic Book Mom

Cats eating human food

Ok, we’re not really supposed to let our pets eat human food. But… come on, these videos are funny.

Cotton is thirsty but doesn’t quite understand the way a straw works

This cat wanted some carbs

Mac and cheese? Sounds great!

Can I get some more syrup for my pancakes?

A compilation of cats having their fav. meal: Sushi!

Bathing A Cat Or What Not To Do On A Sunday Afternoon

Cats tend to take care of themselves when it comes to staying clean but sometimes they need a bath. They may have rolled in something gross or maybe you need to bathe them to help with your allergies. Sometimes your cat may smell like a port-a-potty on a hot day… don’t think about why… they just do now and then.

So you’ve prepped your bathroom with a towel, pet shampoo, and a way to rinse all the shampoo off, so now what happens?

Tips to bathe a cat

  1. Get in the tub – Cats are quick, nimble, and can shred a shower curtain in under .03 seconds. What to do? You are stronger than the cat. Hold him still as best you can, fill the tub with a few inches of water to slow down the skating around he’ll do trying to escape, and if you have a sliding glass door close all openings except where you are kneeling. If your cat has moves of a jungle cat, you may want to consider getting into the tub with him and closing the glass shower doors completely. Sit on the ledge and begin wetting your cat down. Be careful of the face and ears. You don’t want to get water in their eyes, ears, or nose.
  2. Protection – Cats have claws and won’t hesitate to use them. Your advantage here would be to wear long sleeves or kevlar. The best outfit is a hockey mask, soccer goalie gloves, chainmail, canvas jeans, and work boots.
  3. The element of surprise – Use your ninja skills and surprise your cat. Pick up your cat like it’s just another day and pet him. Get him to be a little happy and carry him towards the bathroom. Your cat won’t care that you look like you’re dressed for halloween. They have little to no interest in your fashion sense. Once you get to the bathroom, close the door, and yell “AH-HA!” with an air of triumph.
  4. Speed – It’s essential to getting your cat washed, dried, and clean. In a single motion, wet your cat down, shampoo, and rinse! Having a few inches of water in the tub will not only slow your cat down but will also wet his feet, legs, belly, tail, and give you a few seconds to get his back wet. The head is last and often the hardest. You may want to avoid the head until you’re a black belt in cat baths. Shampoo him up quickly and begin rinsing by turning on the shower or faucet and quickly moving the water over his body. This may be the wildest and scariest 3 min of your life.
  5. Slippery Critters – Cats do not have handles or grips on their bodies. A wet cat is slippery. Do not expect to hold him for more than a few seconds at a time. This is when the glass doors of the shower come in handy. He may run around but he can’t get out. Rinse like crazy and then get ready for the final step – drying.
  6. Drying and Crying – Drain the tub. Ignore the screams and wailings of your cat. Once all the water is drained you will notice your cat will have calmed down a little. Drying is going to be simple compared to the previous steps. This is because the cat has now attached himself to your leg and your pants are absorbing all the water. Reach for the towel, wrap it around your cat, and carefully step out of the tub. If he squirms let him sit on the floor as you dry his fur and get most of the water off his tail, legs, and belly. Now you’ll have a clean, freaked, soggy cat walking around the house for a few hours. Be aware, chances are he’ll be sitting on your bed in a few minutes leaving a wet spot of loose cat fur on your blanket but he’s clean! Isn’t that the point?

Image from OhYeahTotally

Photographer Uses His Dog In All His Holiday Photos

While many of us send the traditional holidays to friends and family that may be a card we bought or a photo family card, one photographer uses his dog. Sounds normal right? You’re probably thinking his dog is sitting pretty in front of a fire place or out in the snow looking cute. But, no, his dog is often dressed up as something other than a dog.

Peter Thorpe, a photographer based in Bristol, has been using his dog for his photos for 20 years and each year dressed his dog up as a different animal. The cool part is he doesn’t use photoshopping, editing, or any digital overlays. He actually dresses his dog up in a costume! And his dog was happy to pose.

Now Raggle, Peter’s dog, is retired and doesn’t pose anymore but she was the perfect model.

To see a gallery of Raggle – check out Peter’s photo page here.

Puppy Versus Door Stoppers

You know those things – they keep your doorknobs from hitting the wall – and they baffle your dog. If you have ever woken up in the middle of the night to a “boing” noise, well you know it’s annoying and funny.

If you haven’t ever had a dog that bewildered by the doorstopper or need a good laugh, check out these videos.

Carlos isn’t sure what it is!

Friend or foe?

If I yell at it, maybe it’ll play with me.

“What did you find?”
“I don’t know!”
“Huh… ok, well let me know when you figure it out.”


5 Dogs Using Cat Doors

Pets are silly creatures and when they want to go somewhere – nothing will stop them.

I want to go to there

I make this look easy

Well, the nose made it…

You told me to and then told me I’m bad? And that I’m a cat? *confused*

Is this a new game?

Deadly and Dangerous Weapons: Tails

Ever been hit in the face by a dog’s tail? Ever had a tail knock over your mug of coffee? Then you know what it’s like to have this weapon in the house. Here’s a few videos of tails assaulting other animals.

Poor little dog

Here’s what it’s like in slow motion

This cat will tolerate it to keep his spot on the couch

Watch out for the paws too!